I've got a lot of names, I posted them at the end of the last post. But I realized, as much as I love and treasure most of my names, there is only one that I gave myself. Rowan, being of light. I wonder if that might be the closest to the real me, without "anyone else's laundry". Emily, the name I was given, is a pretty name. I love being Jericho's Lily, I adore the name Vasha that I got from Shwetank. Magical Ferret, via the Greer Gang, still makes me laugh. I can never be more proud than I am of what a good Loyal First Lieutinant I was to Jennifer. I'm happy to be the Queen of Sporks, Wielder of the Fiery Sword, Bunny Exposer and Creator of spontaneous Fun-ruptions, all from Tema and Hope. Alice (lost in Translation) came from my obsession with and affinity for CS Lewis Alice in Wonderland, and my beta reader, Cliodne.

I just wonder, since Rowan is the only name I ever gave myself, is it the closest to me? The MOST me?

I'm so sick of having to pretend to be something I'm not. Not that I'm sure who I am, but I'm sure who I'm not. I'm NOT a Jesus-Freak. I'm not a church goer. I'm not a Goody-Two-Shoes-Churchie-Girl. I'm not a narrow minded bigot who believes everyone who disagrees with me will go to hell because "The Bible says so." I'm GLAD that that is NOT ME! But working with the public in the Bible Belt, it's really difficult to let people know that without having them try to save me every five minutes, (which they do anyway) and

So, here's a list of Who I am:

~I'm someone who Believes in The Goddess AND The God (call it cosmic balance).
~I'm someone who's not certain she buys into the Jesus Hype, but still somewhat believes it, (Divine scape goat takes away all sins if you do what he wants and gives you wonderful goodies like eternal life, but sends you to Hell if you disagree. Who needs to send a REAL goat into the woods anymore to get rid of their sins with this guy around?)
~I'm someone who believes that PTB (powers that be, God, Goddess, Whatever) CREATED EVOLUTION! There, end of Argument. Creationism and Evolution! HAH!
~I'm someone who is DISGUSTED by Jesus freaks and wants to beat them up when they aggrivate her.
~I'm someone who accepts most FAITHS (Faith, Not Religion), even if she personally finds them inexplicably stupid or weird.
~I'm someone who takes the parts of different Faiths that make sense and feel right to her, that fill the Truths in her own heart, and leave the rest alone, (Until people start using them to beat up on or agrivate/self Justify with them).
~I'm someone with a temper.
~I'm someone who wants to right injustices she sees.
~I'm some one who can sing Amazing Grace and follow it with Circles and not feel wierd.
~I'm someone who dances and sings in the rain and under the stars, sun, and sky.
~I'm someone who's scared of what others think of her, (It's stupid I know.)

So at my LOVELY job everyday, I listen to people ask where I go to church, and tell them I don't, then tell them I work every Sunday and that's why I don't go, instead of saying, "I'm not really a Christian" So I don't get verbally assaulted every time I open my mouth and have people trying to save me. It gets my nerves up A LOT when folks try to save me. Case in point, a family that comes through my line regularly, Skirts only, tracts always in hand. Sweet people, well intentioned, (we all know where that path leads...) I told them I was Christian the first time. They gave me a tract. They've given me one every other time. I always give them back. Today the daughter, (The Daughter's Always there, sometimes with her Mom and Brother, sometimes with her Grandmother) tried again. I told her I'd already had one, she said to pass it along, I told her that I'm not allowed to at work, and that I didn't go anywhere else. She huffily finally took it back. The time before, I think they overheard my conversation with one of my Favorite customers after they left, about how insulting and aggrivating I find people's attempts to save me.

Everyone says I look very young and sweet. Everyone. But apparently because I'm a cashier, (and back when I was a waitress) I must be an unsaved heathen in need of salvation and deliverence. This REALLY Irritates me. These people DO NOT KNOW ME, (Yes, yelling, but aggrivated.) They met me for three minutes, and they presume, as Christians, to Judge me. What right is it of thiers to Assume because they don't see me at their church and because I tell them I work on Sundays that I'm unsaved? What business is it of thiers? I'm not unsaved, I've had my own religious epiphanies and found my Own Truth. The personal Truth, in my heart, that No one, Nothing, can take away. The belief that in the end of whatever, whatever the end might be, everything will be allright, which means right now is allright. I just interrupted posting to talk to Shari, Jericho's Mother. She seemed a little horrified, but she's a little independently faithed herself.

I don't consider my self a Christian. Most christians Don't, or wouldn't if they knew, consider me one or allow me the title, and I find the word Christian too tainted in my ownlife, even if I believe Christ was the only route to salvation, (Which I don't) to accept or wish to use. I don't consider myself Wiccan or Pagan. Both imply a use of magic I'm not comfortable with, (sorry, just not totally comfortable with it.) They also don't truly express my beliefs fully enough. I Wish I could call myself Bahai, but alas, I find I do not quite fit in there either. I'm not peaceful and accepting enough to belong to that enlightened Faith.

My faith has no spiritual home within any framework. It's something that saddens me. I could follow one, but not without deny something I find indeniably truthful to my soul, to my faith, to Me. It is something I accept because I know enough of myself to not with to be untrue to myself.

Jericho says that that is the problem with studying too many religions, too much history, you find yourself unsatisfied with many. Jericho considers himself Christian, though not the bad kind, and he's not bad. But I worry how we're going to raise children.

Anyhow, back to the point. I think I'm going to stop trying to hide who I am. I may not straight out say, "I'm not a Christian." because I don't have to justify myself to anyone, and they'd want me to explain, (and repent and convert, of course), but I'll tell them, "I'm not certain it's any of your business." I'm just really SICK of being nice and letting people get away with being narrow minded and make assumptions of me, and I'm sick of misleading them for the sake of ease, being untrue to myself.

*Sigh* I know what I need. I need Tema and Hope and Gena and Hannah and Cindy and Dell and Catie, Linda (I LOVE and Miss you), Jennifer and Shwetank and Justin and Jericho, (Only two of whom I've really had a lot of lately,) because they help me find *Me*.

I'm ready to start being me, whoever that is. At least I hope I am.

Hugs and Love,
Shalom.
Lily, Emily (of Wonderland), Rowan, Vasha, Magical Ferret Girl, Being of Light, Weilder of the Fiery Sword, Loyal First Lieutinant, Queen of Sporks, Bunny Exposer, Creator of Spontaneous Fun-Ruptions.

I got up, in a good mood today, and went to work. I was two hours into my shift when someone came to my register to relieve me for what I thought was my first break, and went to lock up my drawer. When I put up my drawer, two of the CSM's told me they needed me to go home and change shirts because mine was too revealing, and they didn't want me to get in trouble with the management. I'd worn the shirt to work Twice the week before, with no complaints, (actually, it was two shirts, a spaghetti strap tank with a longsleeve v neck wrap top over it.)

One of the CSM's had complimented it the week before, and was the one who'd given me my drawer at the begining of my shift! I asked why she hadn't mentioned it then, and she said she hadn't noticed. I asked if someone had complained, and she said, no, we just have to watch out for these sort of things. Folks, a lot of other girls at my work wear less conservative things. And they don't get sent home. Granted, most of the ones doing so are not white, and my company is very worried about seeming racist. I was being sent home to change clothes, off the clock, and not comp me for the gas or lost time.

My shirt was FINE. Jericho, Tristan, and Don (jericho's dad) said so, and they are guys. I've worn it to work before with no problems. I tried to explain to the CSM's that I'm a 38F, which means unless I buy something that's going to be 3 or 4 sizes too big everywhere else, I can't find clothes that fit up top as easily as most people. But despite that, I was happy in the shirt I was wearing. It was pretty and conservative and feminine and I looked NICE in it, and because it's a wrap top, it actually fits. And the fact that I bought it in the store I work for should have counted for me, I think. Maybe it's because both of the CSM's are like, A or B cups, they don't understand. I know PLENTY of people who wear stuff that shows up a lot more. I was so embarrassed and upset and humiliated, I felt sick. I came home and put on the only clean shirt in the dresser, (one of Jericho's long sleeve ones that chokes me.) and went back. Jericho had consouled me before I left. I called my mom when I got home to change. I talked to Jericho again before I went back in.

Y'all know me, unless I'm out to dress up for Jericho (which is rare), I don't do low cut or showy, and definitly nothing Slutty. I've got too much chest, and it's upsetting to be sent home for wearing something too low cut (that doesn't even show my cleavage unless I'm bent all the way over, and that's a feat, to hide it, let me tell you). when I know it wasn't. Part of me wonders if it was just because I'm big chested.

I complain about my chest all the time, it hurts and it gets in the way and it kills my back, but I can't have a reduction because a.) I can't afford it, and b.) it hurts or can even destroy a womans ability to breast feed, something I plan to do years in the future when I have children.
I told my CSM when I got back that I wanted to just put up my drawer and go home, I was (and am) that upset. I was so upset that I set off my IBS, and now feel very sick. I couldn't stand there and ask people how their day was and lie and say mine was going okay. Someone would ask and I'd just cry, I know it. I'm a very emotional person (part of being a cancer), and it really upset me. Still does.

They did something that really hurt. They made me doubt myself, and be ashamed of myself, my appearance. It was fine, I was what classifies as 'business conservative', a nice top and khaki pants. But according to them, it wasn't appropriate, and that wasn't fair. I thought I was fine, know now that I was fine, but for a bit there, I wondered, was I wrong? And I was ashamed of my body, my chest, because it was the cause of all the trouble, something that I can't help. Every time I lose weight, my bra size goes up, because I lose every where BUT there. I've always had body image problems. It's not fair, but it's life. And that just made me more ashamed. I accepted a while back that I can't hide my chest. I've got too much, and they just look funny if I wear a sports bra to try to "keep them down".

I don't think anyone can understand how embarrassing, angering, and hurtful this was. I cried all the way home, all the time I was home, all the way back, and all the way home again. I feel numbish inside. I just wish I had someone I could talk to who could understand. I dunno, I'm tired now.
Shalom,Emily.

[img]http://onnachance.com/quiz/fae1.gif[/img][url=http://onnachance.com/quiz/fae.htm]What type of Fae are you?[/url]
So, I took a quiz, and wound up missing work out sick today, which bites since I'm still on my 90 days probation, but it should be okay. Puking in front of the CSM's last night was a sure sign to them that I was sick, and since Jericho and I live, work, and do everything together, he was bound to get it too.

But AOL Destroyed it when it logged me off from inactivity. Lovely.

My post was all about how I couldn't stand Jericho's younger brother Tristan, the douche, and how I'm tired of living here and putting up with him. I'm ready for Jericho and I to have our own place. Jericho is too. Tristan is just a Jerk, who thinks brawns are more important than brains, learning is unimportant, books are worthless, and that their four year old brother should play football, (He's determined to "Make" the child play football, and says he'll be mean to him if he has to) instead of focusing on academics, because "That's the way to get a college Scholarship." The fact that Gabriel (The little brother) Is extremely bright, if hefty, doesn't matter. It infuriates me. Paritally because it's, (to me) a stupid attitude, and partially because I HATE Jocks, and don't see the point in giving the jerks all this money to go to college just to play a sport when most of them aren't going to USE the education put before them.

Don't get me wrong, I love Jericho's family, they are wonderful. But Tristan, who can be nice at times, has lately reminded me of my EOB. He's hateful, (Full of racist comments, and claiming not to be racist, just to "Hate Everyone"). Not what I need in my life. He can be masogynistic, and he tells me he 'can't stand me, never liked me, hates me.' when he's having a fight with Jericho, then expects me to be sympathetic to him when he's depressed about his Ex, Ashley. It INFURTIATES me, I just want to tell him some really nasty things.

But I'm nice. I don't like loosing my temper, or being mean. I don't want to have a fight with Jericho's brother. I like to keep the peace. I just want my own space so he won't be in Mine and Jericho's room when we come home, so I don't have to ignore him. I'm glad he and Jericho are close, I envy that they can have fun together. But that doesn't mean I should have to put up with his negativity. I pay half the rent on this room. For now, I'll let it slide. Jericho tried talking to him about how much it bothered me once, his negativity and racist comments, to tell him please to tone it down around me. It did no good, and led to fights between Jericho and I.

Sigh. Anyhow.

Work today was allright, long, but allright. Not much to say on that.

I'm ready to move out. I'm praying the house I called about is available for lease to own, and we can get it. I want our own place. So does Jericho. And we don't want to waste time or money just Renting.

Oh! In good news, Jericho got a credit card, that we're not going to buy much anything on and pay off in order to build credit. Hooray!

I'm tired, and everyone, (Tristan, nieces, etc) are still in the room.

Shalom,
*HUGS*
Emily.

Well Folks, looking over the last year or so, I've blogged less and less frequently. It's sad. I used to be such a dedicated blogger. I guess I just got busy, and let myself be lax. So, here's a true update, the first in a bit.

As many of you know, I no longer stay with my Mom and sister and brother. I moved out last summer, when my EOB (Evil Older Brother) Was home. I had moved out the summer before, for a month, into Nikki and John's, when he was home. This time I've moved in with Jericho (my heart) and his family, who kindly accepted me into their home and family. And I'm still here. I never went back. We had the pretext that I was home for a while, when obviously I was living here, but we finally dropped it. I couldn't live there anymore. My mom works all the time, at least then, and I never saw her, and she was tired and/or angry when she was there, (I can't blame her, Shanna Faye, my sister, and Sam, the EOB, managed to basically make her life a living you-know-what.) Shanna Faye, well, I love her, she's my sister and she did a lot to help out after my father died, but that doesn't give her the right to Judge anyone, or control my life. She basically hates me, except she can't because I'm her sister, so we just don't get along, which I don't understand, and neither does Mom. Mom's back in therapy, the second time since I've been 16, and it seems to be helping. She can still have rather angry outbursts, but she's a lot calmer and learing how to control her life instead of living from catastrophe to catastrophe. She's still stubborn though.

Anyhow, I moved out. In the middle of Summer semester. May have had something to do with my not acheiving A's, but *Shrugs*. One of the reason's I'm not a true over achiever is I know I'm academically gifted, so I have no one to prove anything to, even though I worry about what people think. Stupid huh? So, Jericho and I have been driving Shanna/Mom's truck since I moved out. I don't remember if I blogged about the Pugeout (Opens another window to check the blog)(After checking my blog, saving as draft, and switching to the laptop) I see that I did. I think of it as Mom's, since she paid the majority of it, but Shanna bought a new car, has all of Lindsey (Bigfoot) her Fiance's cars. I've been here ever since. I dropped out fall semester after getting really sick and missing a lot of time. Mom and Shanna on and off were mad at me for things like not going in at 11 oclock at night on my days off to pick Brandon up from his job at the movie theater when Shanna was already in town and could. I had a bit of a break down, and picked myself up. Worked at Cracker Barrel, quit Cracker Barrel, went back to Cracker Barrel, (It was Christmas, had my wisdom teeth out, and we had Christmas with my mother, (very uncomfortable, Sam was there, Shanna was Rude, and they almost let Sam kill a Cat. I'll tell that story another time).

Back to life, Cracker Barrel continued to be unbearable, and in Mid January we went to work at Wal-Mart. Have been there ever since. We sold the Gold car that Didn't run to Tristan (Jericho's little brother) For a computer, he got it running, and now has given it back as their oldest brother gave his old car (a Stick) to him. We're getting it on the road Thursday, (Payday) because I put too much of our last pay check into savings, leaving us short. So, waiting for Thursday so we don't run short in Checking. We're trying to find someone to cosign a loan, so we can start building credit. We don't want a loan, we don't want debt, we do want credit though. We're hoping Jericho's brother Zach, (yes, another brother) can cosign for us. Since we have no credit, we have to have someone cosign. That's what we get for not getting credit cards when we were younger.

In recent events, I got a wonderful new bookshelf, which has more than enough room for all my books. I did abandon a lot of them though when I moved out of Moms. It's funny, I'd slowly been leaving things here before hand, but the last thing I moved in was my books, which even then were over flowing the shelf. That was the final sign that I moved in.

My mom got a new house, a nice one, where the old one was, and Sam's in jail, though he could get parole in another month. I hope not. He maybe the only person in my life that I hate.

I got money towards a car. My mom, sort of, kinda, maybe? Came through on her promise. At least it's something. It, like my tax return, is sitting in Savings, untouched. Jericho and I talk about how to my mom, I'm someone that will always be there, and take her shit, so she can treat me however. Now that I'm out, and she's used to it, we get along better, and try to have dinner once a week, and I talk to her again about once a week. It keeps her happy, she can vent to me about Shanna Faye, but I know I can't fix her problems, that they aren't mine, and that I can't worry about it. Brandon is Brandon, having more seizures, which is worriesome, but they are adjusting the medicine, which should help. My Mom and Brandon have finally accepted Jericho, which is great, and we're planning the wedding.

I'm almost never online. I have four best friends, Jericho, Jennifer, Justin, and Shwetank, and besides Jericho (whom I live with) I hardly ever speak to or see my best friends. I miss them and love them tons. I miss you Jennifer, I miss you Justin, I miss you Shwetank. I miss my regular friends, Nikki and John (when I see you you're on FFXI, so it's not quality time) and Tema and Hope (Send me your address, I'll send you your shirt!) and Cindy and Hannah and Dell and Catie and Gena and Linda and all of the Greer Gang! I never talk to anyone, or do anything

Jericho and I are trying to move out, but we just can't find anyplace that will let us rent with dogs. And we can't get rid of them, they are part of the family.

That's all I can really think to put up now. Nothing much happens in my life now that I'm away from my family. Very little Chaos now, Hooray! I love Jewricho so much, I really got the best, a wonderful, Kind, patient man. He's my everything. Shanna's still angry about our wedding date, and I'd move it up if I didn't someone enjoy PO'ing her.

Shalom, My Friends,
Emily.

PS: Jericho's nickname for me is Lily. Isn't he sweet? He stuttered one night, and called me "Emilily". I think it's adorable, I had to share.

ECR.

it fell in the Dogs water. Email me people, if you want to talk to me, I'll give you my phone number, and I'll be online a LOT more. *Hugs*

Jericho and I are getting married July 21st, 2007. We're going to Japan for our Honeymoon, to visit his sister and brother in law, and their kids.

Bye.

Ahem, yes, well, here's an update on my life. I haven't posted much in, oh, Forever, so here we go.

Jericho and I are now officially engaged. We got a ring while in NC for his family reunion, and I think the official date was July 24. Our wedding is right now planned for July 21st, 2007 with Jennifer and his Dad officiating, Justin walking me down the aisle, and Nikki as my bridesmaid.

I completed the summer semester with B's (missing A's in both classes by fractions of points) and started this semester, of which I have now dropped out. Here's why.

Remember my last post, in which I said Hi and that I'd been sick? Well, I'd missed that whole week of school, that was a Friday, I think, and that night the severe pain in my side returned. I wound up in the emergency room the next day on heavy pain killers after passing out twice from the pain. The first time I passed out was at like 6AM Saturday on my way back from the bathroom. I remember standing up off the toilet, but the next thing I know I was face down in Stephanie's (Jericho's Niece) room, my shoulder hurting so badly I couldn't breath, my head on her mattress, the rest of me on the floor (she didn't have a bed frame at the time) and her saying, "Emily, are you okay, are you okay? You Fell, you fell". Jericho had to pick me up off the floor and carry me back to our room. I had severe cysts on my ovaries which were popping and the fluid was backing up into the ovaries and causing more cysts and the severe pain.

I spent the next week out of commission, meaning I missed more history and Calculus classes, and then found out I didn't have the Trig Prereq that my Calculus 140 required that Calc 130 hadn't. Lovely.

Meanwhile my body is all out of wack and I'm terrified because I'm thinking, "Oh God, I'm not going to be able to have kids." Looking at my family History, both of my biological Aunts had EXTREMELY Hard times having kids, and my mom's half sister, though she chose not to try, couldn't have either due to PCOS. My cousins Sandra and Rudalee and Anne are the only of my female cousins to have kids. Oh, and Susan, Aunt Joyce's daughter, but all of them had EXTREMELY Hard times and required fertility treatments, if I'm not mistaken. Out of my assloads of cousins, most of them can't have kids, and practically every one of my paternal female relatives has serious female problems. My half Sister Deborah had to have fertility treatments. And I couldn't get a doctors appointment for a month afterwards.

I finally got my doctors appointment, in the middle of my family on and off again refusing to talk to me, and go in. He puts me on the patch, and schedules my next 3 visits. The first issue is to regulate my cycles and hormones, and they have to start out on the lowest, most common dosage with that. But it is likely, he says, that I'll have difficulty having children.

I'm 20 years old. I'm engaged to the man of my dreams, and we've got names picked out for our children even though we aren't getting married for a few years. It's nice to have an explanation for why I cramp in the middle of my cycle straight up a few days into my period, but this isn't what I want to hear. My body is my enemy, it's failing me. The one thing I want most in the world, Children with Jericho, might not be possible.

And my grades in Calculs were low. Too Low. My highest test grade was a 93, my lowest was a 45. There was no way to save it, and I was too stressed. I'd suddenly been scheduled for 40 and 45 hour weeks at work. 6 days a week waiting tables, going to school, and worrying. At this point, Jericho still hadn't found a new job, and it was grating on both of us. We were starting to fight, and my family wasn't helping by refusing to speak to me on and off. I have uncontrolable crying fits, and feel bad and depressed all the time.

A miracle happens. Jericho gets hired, at, of all places, Cracker Barrel. Its a sucky place and job, but at least we'll be together. Then I get a check for $131. My uncle's estate settled. My sister buys my share ofd the land from the estate for 1000 dollars, after the week before making me pay her 200 dollars towards her truck payment. My grades are still low. I still cry all the time. I tell work, "I need some time off, I'm about to lose it. I'm having a break down. I can't make myself be nice to the guests anymore, I'm being mean to Jericho, and my grades are gone all to hell. I have to focus on school, I can't do these 40 hour weeks anymore". I agree that they can schedule me the next schedule, but not after that, at least a week (I wanted one, Jericho wanted me to quit, then a month, then 3 weeks. I was supposed to ask for 3 weeks, I asked for 1 week, and I'm getting 4 days, next week.)Then another Miracle. Mom's land sells. She buys me this nifty laptop (a Toshiba, Jennifer. *Preens*) and thing seem okay, but I'm still breaking down. I'm breaking down now. I'm a mess. I'm terrified, and I'm scared and I'm angry. I feel so depressed, and Jericho is the only thing that is keeping me going. I want to cry myself to sleep, I want to shoot myself. I want to slice my stomach open and rip out the organs that are betraying me so.

I want kids so bad. And I might not get to have them. My body is being evil, betraying me. Jericho's being so good to me, so supportive. To him, I'm still me, and we'll adopt, but besides him, what's the point, why bother? I get so frustrated and angry and sad. And I'm having a break down, I can feel it. Something had to break, and work wasn't getting there fast enough.

I missed a class. I had no days left to miss because of missing practically two weeks from when I was sick. No way I'd pass because of my days. I gave up. I called and asked my prof to withdraw me. He was very kind, and agreed. I've dropped all my classes now. Or, still have to get in touch. I intend to drop everything. No point in stressing when I'll lose my finacial aid from dropping or failing calculus. It doesn't matter. I'll find a way. I'm so depressed, and writing about it doesn't help.

I love you all. I think I'm going to sleep now, I'm tired.

Shalom,
Emily.

Well folks, it's been a while, but with good reason. For the last week, I have been extremely ill. NO CLUE what with, since the idiot doctor just told me I had "an infection" but I felt worse than I did when I had the flu. I was running a fever of 102 when I was on a fever reducer, if that's any sign, and Jericho had to take complete care of me. I could barely walk to the bathroom by myself, and during the worst 3 days, I woke up only for medications and bathroom breaks. Do you know how you know someone really, really loves you? When they take off their pajama pants and put them on you to keep you warm because you're freezing, even though its hot, and when they clean up your puke. Jericho is DEFINITLY the Best.

I started getting sick last Thursday, but didn't do anything about it. By Friday night I was so sick I couldn't even sit up for more than 20 minutes after work to play D&D, and I slept away all of Saturday and most of Sunday, until I went to work. Sunday night I went to the Doctor after work, Mom was there too, sick with something else. After a chest x-ray to determine why I was having trouble breathing, ignoring the severe pain in my lower back and left side, and saying nothing about my severe headache, which got worse when I coughed, the pain in my ears or anything else headrelated, the idiot doctor (Mom saw him too, and she agrees, she went back to see a different doctor later to get some real help, I just called and had my prescriptions changed), proscribed me an Albuterol inhaler, a cough syrup with coedine in it, and an antibiotic.

Around 2 oclock I got home, after having my prescriptions filled, and Jericho had to help me take my shoes off and put me to bed. I know I was pretty damn feverish after that, because things are blurry, though I woke up every hour for the first night and day every hour on the hour to go to the bathroom. I had hot and cold flashes with chills and sweating, and was about crying because I hurt so much, and was coughing constantly. I couldn't take anything else on top of my medications, because I didn't want a reaction. I don't remember until Late Tuesday, when I started to feel better, and ate some chicken noodle soup Jericho made me, followed by some orange juice. That's when I threw up, and we spent the rest of the evening on the phone to the doctor. Jericho's Mom took him into town Wednesday to get my new prescription (no more cough syrup, as the doctor thought it might have been why I threw up) and I was mostly better. Thursday I went to school, which I'd missed all week, and work, which sent me home, and I came here. I got a wierd headache and slept, spent time with Jericho, then went to my mom's (as I'm now driving her truck, since Tristan got a job and took back his car). Today had to go to school to make up a test and do work, and then came here. Same wierd headache came back, and I slept for a while. Jericho hypothisizes that I may still just be sick and weak, and need the rest. I agree.

Well, that's me lately, sorry to bore you,
Emily.

Yes, so, just as a quick I'm alive note, we (Nik, John, Justin, Jericho and I) are currently doing the worst stop smoking inebrati intervention ever for Tristan. Meaning, they're telling him cigaretts are bad and to stop, and then they light up off his pack and smoke, and I steal a few puffs. Anyhow, lifes Blah here, ttyl, Shalom, Emily.

Any Futurama fan can understand my desire for a Space Pope T-Shirt. But while Searching online for one, I found something rather meaningful instead. Here it is.

http://www.cafepress.com/shop/t-shirts/browse/Ne-10036_N-1268+10037_bt-1_pv-gunjergear.19269785

Okay, first of all, I MISS YOU JENNIFER!!!!!! I do, thank you for the birthday wishes, I've been so dang busy (and no one lets me know when I have messages) that I haven't had a chance to say that yet. I put in my notice at CB, but they've asked that I stay, and when I leave, I don't have to give notice. Just say I won't be in. I've applied for my vacation pay, so I'll get that, (I wound up having it after all, *eyeroll*). SageBrush steak house said they'd give me a call to let me know when to start training, but I'm not sure I'll take them up on that. I REALLY want to get on at Aldi, I mean, $10 an hour starting off at a Grocery Store? Who wouldn't like that, for what it is.

Also, I miss you Hope, Tema, Shwetank, Catie, Dell, Cindy, Hannah, Gena, Leeta, and everyone else! Hopefully, when this semester ends I'll have more time, only one more week to go! So far, I've got a B in calculus. I'm Praying I can pull it up to an A, only a few points short at this point. I'll wind up with a 95 in History, which would be higher since I've made 96, 96, and 94 on my tests so far, one more to go, but I turned in an essay late, and lost one point on another, so my essay grade is only going to be an 89. Five Grades, and thats my average. Not like it matters, anything that's an A is an A, no matter how high it is.

My Birthday was a BLAST, thank you Jericho, Nikki, John, Justin! Also, thank you Shwetank and Tim, who sent me, respectively, a boxed set of Quidditch ThroughOut the Ages and Fantastic Beasts and where to find them, and a Public Enemy deck of Playing Cards. Now, on Friday 15 I had to work, but after work I went to the Harry Potter book party, met up with all the above, Nikki's acquaintance Jarod (Ashley's cousin) and Jericho brought three of his neices, Stephanie, Cathrine, and Hailey, at my request. The kids didn't have that much fun, and it was late when I got there, but the important thing is, I got the Book! I finished reading it Sunday, and OH, Wow! Excellent, and so diffrent, I'm so glad and proud of the way that Harry has Grown up. And my Ship Wish FINALLY Came true! Sort of! YAYAYAYAYAYAYA! Ahem, and anyway....


**************SPOILER******************* I really truely believe the little bit of himself Voldemort put into Harry was the part of his soul he intended to use to make the last Horcrux, that's why he and Harry have the connection, and why I believe Harry is the Last Horcrux and will Die at the end of the last book.



BACK to my birthday, we went to WalMart in York After, and then I took the Girls home. We bought lots of ****** and food for the next day, and proceeded to drink the ******. I however, got a nosebleed, and had to stop. Sucky. We stayed up late talking, me reading, and hanging out. The next day, they put together the slip and slide, and everyone finally found out that EMILY DOES NOT LIKE SLIP AND SLIDES. They require falling, and a large risk of getting hurt, which everyone but Jarod did. Jericho's back, knee and foot are torn up from a stalk of dried something that poked through the tarp and attacked everyone, it got my knee and Nikki's foot and leg, John's hand and knee, and nothing on Justin either, I think. Then we cooked out, hamburgers, and John Made an Offering to the Grill God. Luckily he was uninjured, but we lost a couple of Burgers. About then JJ and Liz showed up. We hung out and played games, I read, etc, and it was fun. Then later that night John, bless him, went and got Pizza, since I don't like the frozen patty burgers, and neither does he. I wound up going home because I had work the next day, but still it was a blast. Thank You ALL, I love you! More Later, Shalom,

Emily.

I'm Just taking MAT 130 (Elementary Calculus) in a 5 week summer mini-mester course which started Monday, and taking a history class also. The Calculus is what is killing me. ALL of my free time has been dedicated to doing homework, and I had to find someone to cover my shifts at work twice this week just so I'd have enough time for it. I have a test tomorrow, and am TERRIFIED that I Still don't know the material well enough. I've signaled out 6 problems that I'm going to ask the professor to go over with me tomorrow before class just to be safe, but I'm pretty sure I won't do well. I don't get it, I've always been great at math, it's come easy. Maybe it's just algebra and Geometry, but once I get this behind me, hopefully things won't be too bad. Of course, the fact that it's a five week course that only meets 25 classes total could be why I'm finding it difficult.

So, incase anyone was worrying, I'm okay, and I miss you all and love you tons. Call me at Jericho's, I study there mostly because there is air conditioning and he will bring me my dinner at the desk while I do homework and hold me when I get so frustrated I cry. He'll sit with me in the bathroom and talk to me on the rare occasions I don't take my books in there with me to study, since it's pretty much the only opportunity we get to talk. I wish I could talk to you all. This is the first time I've been online since Sunday, and I haven't done anything BUT study all week. But this too shall pass. I'll let y'all know I'm alive when I can,

Shalom,
Emily.

And not Just in the head. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, ina few short hours I leave for my beach vacation. Wish me fun!

I think I'd just curl up and not wake up. Where to begin, I haven't posted in so long. Sunday before last I went and got a car my brother gave me, an '87 Peugeot. Yeah, I'd never heard of a Peugeot either. I gave him $100 because he was broke. I had to have it towed the next day, after I got two flats on the interstate and wound up walking almost a mile. $85. Then I had to have new tires put on it. 5 of them, (because the spare was bad too). $211. The guys at the tire place told me that my undercarriage was shot, and if I wanted the car to last I was looking at 1600 dollars worth of work. Obviously, I didn't have the money for that, so I determined I'd drive it till it died. But I was happy, I had *MY* car that my mom and sister couldn't take away from me, that *I* was responsible for. I was taking care of things, on my own. I felt like I was finally a real adult. Taxes and tags and registration fees were next. $23 dollars. Insurance was going to be 67 dollars a month, but I was going to mail that today. I had to fill it up with gas. $30 dollars. I had to top it off, and got the unpleasant surprise of finding out my gas tank had a leak, but thought I'd perhaps overfilled. Another $8 in gas. I also purchased oil and a filter, with the intent of having my oil changed. $18 dollars. Jericho was seeing me off Sunday when he saw gasoline Sloshing out from under my car, and ran after me. Yes, there was a leak in my tank, apparently a large gash towards the top. His dad syphoned off the gas so it wouldn't leak, and told me to drive it until it was empty, put enough in it to get it to his house, and he'd drop the tank and repair it. Poor Don got a nasty taste in his mouth.

Monday, on my way to Jericho's, the car started acting up on the highway, miles from a phone. I decided to drive on to the store, not having much choice. A bright red light on my dash suddenly declared "STOP" and I did. The car would not start again. I walked to the store, and called for help. Jericho and his dad came and got me, and Don towed my car behind his truck to his house. He took a look. Oil and water were sprayed all over the inside of my hood. The engine was locked up. Apparently one or more heads or gaskets had been cracked for some time, from the amount of oil in the water and water in the oil. It had finally decided to crap out. We took off anything that might be useful, and I kept my tires, that had less than 100 miles on them. $475 dollars into a car that lasted me a week and a day, and that I drove a total of like 4 days, because it sat at the tow shop for 2 days, one I'd been told would "run good and last me a while." one my brother said would do good for me, get me through the next semester of college, at least. Over Half of my hard earned savings, gone like that. I feel so stupid, and so angry. So frustrated, and sad. This is only the start.

Shanna and Jericho had a disagreement last week, on the phone. It was big, nasty, and I was very upset. It was all Shanna being nasty too, I was talking to Jericho on the phone, and the paranoid bitch picks up the phone and says, "If you've got anything to say about me, you'd better act like a grown up and say it to me." My family had set me up that if I stayed at hime, I'd get bitched at, if I left, I'd get bitched at. Jericho was just saying if I was going to get bitched at either way, I might as well come over. He told her that, and that she wasnt' my mother so stop interfering in my life, she said I wasn't his concern, which he very politely disagreed with, and she started yelling and saying fuck you and other cusses. He said, "That's nice." and I hung up. Shanna's dog was hit Monday night by a car and killed. Poor Sly. I picked the body up off the side of the road in the truck, which promptly got a dead battery soon as I got home, and later took the body to the kennel to get it cremated yesterday. Or rather, Tristan and Jericho and I took it, they had to take Trunks and Caysi (Jericho's dog and his mom's) to the vet. We put Sly in a garbage bag and put him in the trunk. Shanna's other dog had to be put down a few weeks ago. Heart failure. I feel bad for her.

In GOOD news, I registered for college classes, second summer minimester. 2 classes, 4 hours a day, 5 days a week, June 20 through July 29. Fun Fun. Bought the last copy of the history text that they had used, saved 50 dollars, still over 100 dollars there. Add in food costs when I had to run around and eat on the go, and I'm about broke. I HATE It. I had 700 dollars less than 2 weeks ago! Not fair.

Going to see episode 3 tonight at midnight with Jericho and his brothers. Yay. Leaving in a few for Jericho's. I'll ttyl, *HUGS* Bye.

Well, I fussed at poor Jericho for no apparent reason today (he asked me if I was okay like 5 times in a row, because I was quiet, because I was reading something he KNEW I was reading, and it annoyed me) . If I say I'm okay, I'm okay, so drop it. I love you doll, but geese. Found out a friend of mine has a blog which she didn't tell me about, and that even though I was in the same house as her Pretty darned often, she didn't come to me and say, "Hey, I need to talk," or "Hey, I need advice." or, "Hey, can we go do something?" I made the first move, I took you out to dinner last fall, but it doesn't matter, it's okay, and I'm still your friend. I hope things work out, not that you read this, probably.

Anyhow, I feel the need to take a bit of a break, somehow, and I don't know how. And I don't know from what, though not you, Jericho, my love, and not from Jennifer or Justin, or Shwetank, my best friends. I think Spring and the weather are getting to me. Maybe I should start writing again, I've been meaning to. I'm all CrackerBarrel'd out, just tired of the place. Anyhow, I might not be around online much for a bit, not that I ever am, but the saying it and letting it be known makes me feel less like I'm shirking a duty or something.

Shalom,

Emily.

Well, Justin has made me a lovely new blog, which I will put up shortly, though I'm keeping the one Nikki Made me so I can rotate them. Let's see, what's going on in my life?

First, Mom and I got into a disagreement. Not cool, she's being uber protective, saying she worries about me breaking down on the side of the road and being picked up and raped or murdered, so now I have to be home by 11:00 at night. Um, no, I don't think so. I'm almost 20 years old, and the likelihood of a want to be rapist winding up on the same peice of shit road in Sharon SC at the same time of night as me when I just HAPPEN to have my car break down is less than the chances of me being struck by lightining. Honestly. I'll move out first.

Second, in about 8/9 of parallel universes or even a higher fraction, Jericho, myself, or both are dead. You see, we were heading down Turkey Creek Road (which everyone local will know) from the Hord Road end, and we were past the second curve on that big hill, topping the second dip (you know, the part where it curves at top and bottom and there is a Big drop off to the side, at least 20, 30 feet deep, with trees next to the slope?) And I realized I was going too fast just as Jericho was going to tell me to slow down, and hit the breaks as I topped the hill. Tapped them really. And that's when it happened.

We fish tailed, badly, once, twice, then did a complete turn, and wound up going across to the other side of the road and back again, and facing the Opposite direction in the lane we started out in, Inches from the sharp curve sign and less than two feet from flipping down the edge of the road into the drop off. I was so scared we were going to go into the gully, that something would happen to Jericho, but I think I reacted well. I let the car go into the curve instead of fighting it, but I was So Scared. If we'd gone down, we probably would have barrel rolled 3 or 4 times down the side and into the trees, and the likelihood that we both would have survived if we had is very slight. I was going faster than I should have, but I wasn't going fast enough for what happened to happen. I've gone faster down through there before, but I try to keep it slower because Jericho doesn't like me to speed. Add the fact that the car I was driving doesn't have a speedometer, and well, you get the point. I'm not speeding anymore. I'll have people ride my ass and cuss me out, I don't care. I came too close yesterday to loosing the most important thing to me.

Driving back down past the skid marks (big black ugly ones) later on I felt sick to my stomach. It made me so nervous. We went straight home and Just cuddled for a while, I needed to be held. If anything happened to Jericho, I'd just stop. He means that much to me. And it scared me so much. Thank God that I'm in this universe, and not one of the ones where the worst happened. And though I know some people think I'm crazy for believing in parallel universes, I want to say I'm sorry to those in the universes where the worst happened, because just the thought of the hurt makes my eyes well up.

We picked up Brandon and took him to church, went to CiCi's and ate Pizza, and took Brandon home. Got pulled over on the way, the State troopers were looking for a green Subaru that had parked in someone's driveway last night and the lady found blood on her deck this morning. The car I was driving was a pale blue more easily mistaken for Silver or Gray than Green. It scared the Shit out of me. Called mom, then back to Jericho's, and when I went ot leave there had a flat. Hence the prompting for Mom's yelling. It was In Jericho's yard, his dad blew it up and I came back here.

I'm tired, work at five, ttyl, bye.

I know I won't feel this way when I read them again, but for right now, I'm proud of several of the songs I've written. I bet a lot of y'all didnot know that I write songs in my free time. Well, I do. I hate that I don't have my old hard drive, whic had quite a few, but I have the new ones, and I'm proud of them, at this moment, and want to remember it.

I just wish I didn't drop words and lines so much when I'm typing fast, in a rush, or can't keep up with my brain.

Even though these are things I would say, and in some way or another have said.


Things I'll never say
by Avril Lavigne
[Verbal Acoustics]

I'm tuggin' at my hair
I'm pullin' at my clothes
I'm tryin to keep my cool
I know it shows

I'm staring at my feet
My cheeks are turning red
I'm searching for the words inside my head

I'm feeling nervous
Tryin' to be so perfect
Cause I know you're worth it
You're worth it--yeah

If I could say what I wanted to say
I'd say I want to blow you--away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight
If I could say what I wanted to see
I want to see you go down--on one knee
Marry me today
Guess I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say

It don't do me any good it's just a waste of time
What use is it to you what's on my mind
If ain't comin out we're not going anywhere
So why can't I just tell you that I care

Cause I'm feeling nervous
Tryin' to be so perfect
Cause I know your worth it

If I could say what I wanted to say
I'd say I want to blow you--away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight
If I could say what I wanted to see
I want to see you go down--on one knee
Marry me today
Guess I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say

What's wrong with my tongue
These words keep slipping away
I stutter I stumble like I've got nothing to say

Cause I'm feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
Cause I know you're worth it
You're worth it--yeah

[Verbal Acoustics]

I guess i'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say

If I could say what I wanted to say
I'd say I want to blow you--away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight
If I could say what I wanted to see
I want to see you go down--on one knee
Marry me today
Guess I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say

These things I'll never say

First of all, let me say that the flu is Not Fun. Secondly, a few words of wisdom from the Cynic's Dictionary.

NEUROTIC: Sane but unhappy about it

OBITUARY: A final summation of our lives that, for most of
us, occupies about three inches of space in what will shortly
become a liner for your neighbour's caged parrot

POSITIVE THINKING: Self-improvement through self-
deception


REVOLUTIONARY: An oppressed person waiting for the
opportunity to become an oppressor

TABOO: Any strict cultural prohibition that, when breached,
causes everyone in the group to gasp; e.g., cannibalism,
public nudity, serving fried pork rinds at a Hasidic wedding, or answering the question "How are you?" in the negative


On another note, why is it that Managers can warn you in advance of the days they're going to ride your ass? At least then you'd know to bring a blanket and saddle to work with you.

Ahem. Anyhow. On top of not using the 180 dollars I gave her to make the January insurance payment to do so and instead pocketing it, my sister has taken 300 dollars from Mom's checking account, by using the copy of Mom's debit card she has "Just for Emergencies". Mom's supposedly going to talk to her about it. I'm feeling somewhat better, and I miss Jericho like crazy. I love you darling! God, that sounds so sophmoric, but still. I do miss him. Life's typical here, read a LOT of great stuff lately. Mostly by Anne McCaffrey, though I did get a copy of Wicked last week. It was pretty good.

Tired, need rest, ttyl,
*HUGS* Bye.

First of all, let me say that the flu is Not Fun. Secondly, a few words of wisdom from the Cynic's Dictionary.

NEUROTIC: Sane but unhappy about it

OBITUARY: A final summation of our lives that, for most of
us, occupies about three inches of space in what will shortly
become a liner for your neighbour's caged parrot

POSITIVE THINKING: Self-improvement through self-
deception


REVOLUTIONARY: An oppressed person waiting for the
opportunity to become an oppressor

TABOO: Any strict cultural prohibition that, when breached,
causes everyone in the group to gasp; e.g., cannibalism,
public nudity, serving fried pork rinds at a Hasidic wedding, or answering the question "How are you?" in the negative


On another note, why is it that Managers can warn you in advance of the days they're going to ride your ass? At least then you'd know to bring a blanket and saddle to work with you.

Ahem. Anyhow. On top of not using the 180 dollars I gave her to make the January insurance payment to do so and instead pocketing it, my sister has taken 300 dollars from Mom's checking account, by using the copy of Mom's debit card she has "Just for Emergencies". Mom's supposedly going to talk to her about it. I'm feeling somewhat better, and I miss Jericho like crazy. I love you darling! God, that sounds so sophmoric, but still. I do miss him. Life's typical here, read a LOT of great stuff lately. Mostly by Anne McCaffrey, though I did get a copy of Wicked last week. It was pretty good.

Tired, need rest, ttyl,
*HUGS* Bye.

And Bush is holding a press conference. He seems nervous/upset, but so far I don't hear anything that would cause that. Yeah, social security is collapsing, but that's been happening for a while.

In My life, things are going well. I've been working a lot, sleeping and reading a lot, and spending a lot of time with Jericho. I miss you, Jennifer and Justin and Roberta and Song (who's birthday is coming up) and Hope and Tema and Catie and Dell and Gina and Hannah and Cindy and Shwetank!

I'll do more later, potty break calls.

Updated: 06:17 PM EST
Abortion Bill Could Have Big Impact on Teens
Law May Sharply Reduce Options for Teen Girls in Many States
By DAVID CRARY, AP


NEW YORK (Jan. 29) - The abortion bill most likely to become federal law this year would affect a relatively small number of pregnant teens, yet its impact on them could be dramatic - sharply reducing the options for girls in many states who dread telling their parents of their plight.

Supporters and opponents each offer vivid worst-case scenarios in debating the bill, which was included this week in the Senate Republicans' priority list. It would outlaw transporting a minor across state lines to obtain an abortion in order to evade parental consent or notification laws in the girl's home state.

The bill's advocates evoke the image of a girl being impregnated by an abusive older man who then drives them to an out-of-state abortion clinic so the girl's parents and the authorities won't find out about a relationship that might have been illegal because of age differences.

Opponents of the bill say it would criminalize the well-meaning acts of an aunt, older sister or other confidante who assist a girl terrified of being beaten or evicted from home if her parents learned of the pregnancy.

"You're talking about girls who really need support - let them use whatever support they have," said Shawn Towey of the National Network of Abortion Funds. "This bill is going to have a chilling effect on people who are just there to help."

Titled the Child Custody Protection Act, and carrying a sentence of up to one year in prison, the bill has bounced around Congress for years, winning House approval three times but never reaching a vote on the Senate floor. Only now - after making the Senate GOP's Top 10 priority list - do supporters and foes believe its passage is probable.

"We're proceeding as if it's going to pass," said Lorraine Kenny of the American Civil Liberties Union's Reproductive Freedom Project. ACLU lawyers already are studying possible challenges on grounds that the bill violates the right to travel from state to state and does not make an exception for cases when a girl's health is jeopardized.

Activists on both sides expect support for the bill from majority Republicans, perhaps joined by some Democrats. Some doubt Democratic leaders will wage an all-out fight against it.

"Politically, it would be very high risk for the Senate Democrats to filibuster this bill," said Douglas Johnson, legislative director of the National Right to Life Committee. "Polls show that about 80 percent of Americans support the concept of parental notification."

Opponents agree that young women are better off telling parents about a pregnancy, and say most do so voluntarily. But abortion-rights activists argue that politicians should not impose mandates that might backfire in cases where family communication already has broken down.

"Instead of encouraging them to involve a trusted adult who may be able to offer much-needed assistance, this law will cause some young women to face interstate travel for medical care alone," says a NARAL Pro-Choice America briefing paper. "Even worse, it may force young women to turn to self-induced or illegal abortions."

Thirty-two states have parental-involvement laws in force, though the National Right to Life Committee considers eight of the laws ineffectual because of loopholes.

In all 32 states except Utah, a procedure called judicial bypass allows a minor to petition a judge for permission to get an abortion without telling her parents. In many courts, these waivers are granted routinely to any reasonably mature girl who asks; elsewhere the requests often are denied, prompting some girls to opt for an abortion in another state without a parental involvement law.

Abortion-rights advocates cite Alabama - where consent of one parent is required before a minor's abortion - as a state with notable roadblocks for girls seeking a court waiver.

Jennifer Dalven of the ACLU's Reproductive Freedom Project said judges in Birmingham and some other Alabama communities oppose waivers so adamantly that legal aid attorneys now advise pregnant minors not to bother requesting one. Instead, Dalven said, girls are counseled to consider getting an abortion in Georgia or Florida, where procedures are somewhat more flexible.

"Judges in Alabama call teens who seek abortion murderers, force them to sit through religious programming, and still deny their petitions," Dalven said. "For these teens, going out of state is their only option. ... It's been a critical safety valve that would be lost if this bill is passed."

The number of girls who might be affected by the law is difficult to calculate - perhaps a few thousand annually.
In 2000, the latest year with national statistics, about 92,000 girls 17 and under obtained legal abortions - 7 percent of the U.S. total. Many of those teens were from states that don't require parental involvement, including populous California, New York and Illinois, while many of the girls in states with the laws notified their parents rather than traveling secretly out-of-state.


01-29-05 17:53 EST


Copyright 2005 The Associated Press. The information contained in the AP news report may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or otherwise distributed without the prior written authority of The Associated Press. All active hyperlinks have been inserted by AOL.

I've been hiding under a rock to miss this, and as a pro choice supporter, I don't know how I feel about it. I feel the arguments used to support this bill are stupid and unlikely in the extreme, but I also feel that there SHOULD be an age when a teen is required to have parental support. I know that'd be hard on the 13 and 14 year olds who make a mistake, but I also think there is an age when girls just don't understand about things like abortion and the effects it will have on them, emotionally, spiritually, physically, and hormonally. I also think a girl in a situation like that SHOULD have the final say. I think that the law should protect a persons rights to their own body. The law is willing to prosecute someone who abuses a child or teen physically or sexually, abusing and taking the rights to their own body away, but is willing to GIVE a parent the rights, reguardless of the wishes of the child. Give a child guidance, and rights. Give them the protection of the law.a

"Gee, Emily," I'm sure somone out there is thinking, "If you give a kid unlimited rights to their body, howdo you know that kids won't decide to have an arm cut off just for the heck of it?" I don't, but anyone who was would obviously be mentally unbalanced, and those are the sort of arguments I'm seeing when it comes to these sort of things. Circular totally off the wall reasoning , arguments, and examples that have nothing to do with the issue. The same as the arguments that if you allow homosexuals the right to marry, then you're letting pedophiles at your children. Total lack of correlation between the argument and the example being given against it. Homosexuals aren't pedophiles, People! It's stupid, and it's an argument made by stupid people.

Anyhow, this has me thinking and riled up, more later.

Doesn't mean you should ignore it here. Poverty, that is. Millions of Americans live at or Below the poverty line. And don't forget the education crisis our nation is facing. But that doesn't seem to matter to the people who are campaining for aide and finacial relief for the poor. Yes, the poverty level is higher and the quality of life lower in places like Sudan, Chad, Nigeria, Croatia et cetra, shouldn't you worry about your own housekeeping before worrying about your neighbors? Yes, they need help, desperatly, and I'm not saying to stop the level of help they recieve in order to direct it homeward, but watching the celeberaties campaining for more aide for those places makes me wonder, are they even aware of how bad things are at home? Can't some aide be found for the Americans who need it? The federal relief plans, Welfare et al, are a joke. The people who need it and deserve it can't get it, sometimes simply because they have JOBS. It's ridiculous. Anyhow, sudden Rant from me. Back to reality...

In other news, the ice storm that has hit the South east has deposited anywhere from half an inch to an inch of mostly ice and sleet on the ground around my home. :-P Had to call out from work today. Blah.

So, Yesterday was Jericho's Birthday. He turned 21. His family is celebrating on Saturday, when I will be in Detroit. We spent all day together, and I think he had a pretty good birthday. I got him Zelda: The Minnish Cap for GBSP and he played that while I was beating Prince of Persia. Awesome Game, but the ending sort of sucked. Thank Goodness they made a sequel. I love my baby so much, and I'm going to miss him when I'm visiting Jennifer in Detroit. But I can hardly wait to see Jennifer! It's been over half a year!

So, fly out tomorrow afternoon, and if we don't here from ShannaFaye Mom's going to have to take it off to take me. Which Sucks. Shanna Faye is Up at Lindseys (aka: Foot, her Fiancer) and isn't returning our calls. Meanwhile I can't find a way to get to work today, where I am due in at two. I should go get in the shower now.

I find it a sign that fate exsists in small things, that on Sunday, a dear friend of mine and my Greer friends passed away from HIV. Today I look at Justins blog, and well **Well, Y'all can go see for yourself**

Shalom,

Emily.

If you discount the fact that my mom and sister hate my boyfriend whom they know nothing about. They've met him once, and suddenly the fact that Lindsey (Shanna Faye's ancient Fiancee) will be going onto disability soon is a Plus point over anything Jericho could do. WTF? I'm fairly certain it's because they don't like what little about his family I've told them, or the fact that his brother's name is pronounced Tris-Tahn rather than Tris-ten, something they bitch at me over. I pronouce his name the way his parents named him to have it pronounced, and my family bitches at ME about it. Yeah, that makes sense. Also, the fact that Jericho was homeschooled and his mom didn't follow the local school curriculum is apparently his fault, though he was only like 8 or 9 when she started home schooling him and there was nothing he could do. He doesn't believe he's smart enough to pass the GED test, which he is, and that's another thing Mom apparently dislikes about him.

In other words, my family hates everything about my boyfriend, the man I love and plan to spend the rest of my life with. Because they are stupid. Shanna hates me being happy, and tht';s a fact. THe happier I am after spending time with Jericho, the nastier she is. Mom doesn't like me being happy because Shanna makes her life miserable because my boyfriend is better to me than hers is to her. No, he doesn't buy me diamond earrings like hers does her, but he loves me and treats me with respect, he never cusses or yells, he doesn't drink (except for next Wednesday when he turns 21) he's thoughtful and sensitive and sweet and kind and loving, and absolutely adores me. I feel the same about him

On a happier note, I get to go see Jennifer for her Birthday!!!!!! WOOT!!!! I've missed her so much! I fly out next Friday, come home Monday, and it'll be so great, I haven't seen her since July/August. She's turning the big 26. I'm Looking forward to seeing her. I drive Jericho nuts sometimes whigning about how much I miss her, so, this will be good. And now I'm going to bed because Shanna's home and Mom wanted me up when she got home.

Love to all,

Emily.

And by that, I mean that I am miserable when I'm sick. Sinuses and virus combined, goody goody, with the doctor "worried it could turn into pnuemonia or bronchitis" oye vey. I'm on antibiotics so that nothing else can attack me while I"m down, and a cough medicine that seems to be finally working. But my head hurts, and I feel just yucky. ANd I miss everyone. Justin came into Cracker Barrel last night with his Momma, got to hug him. I miss Him though, and Roberta and Song and Nikki and John and Ashley. Don't miss Tristan though, get to see him everytime I get to see Jericho. Am worried that I'm becomming overly attached to Jericho as I'm sad when I don't get to see him even for one day.

I miss Hope, I miss Tema, I miss Shwetank. I miss Gena and Cindy and Hannah and Linda and all the Greer People, and Catie and Dell, and everybody! I miss them.

*Runs to make quick calls before work*

Since I last posted. Sorry! Sorry Sorry Sorry. All my time has been spent with Jericho or working. My house is s a mess. I haven't written or done much of anything productive. I walk around with a goofy grin and bump into things because I'm not paying attention. I'm happy, but I'm sad because I've been a total slacker lately. About the best I've done is write him a sappy love poem, (really sappy) and manage not to cry when he sings to me. And he has such a Beautiful voice. And gorgeous dimples. And wonderful smile, and well, I won't subject you to a listing of all the wonderful things about him.

I Miss Y'all! I do! I miss talking to Jennifer, and Hope and Tema and Justin and Wolfie, I miss you all TONS! And I'm sorry I haven't been around. Once I get my house cleaned up I promise to be around more. Even if I have to Hijack Jericho's computer. I haven't even been reading much lately. That should tell y'all how slack I am. I quit reading new fics and now just read the stuff I'd allready started or things by authors I really really like. Yep. I'm a slacker.

Well, so many things I've got half posts or lost posts written about. Like Roberta's birthday, which rocked, or going to Huddle house and WaHo with her and Justin. Or the time we went to Denny's which I think falls into my slacker period. Had a great long post written at Jericho's. But his mom took the internet and then I left without posting it, and it got closed out without saving. Yeah. I'm over there ALOT. Like last night.

Well, this is a post to let you all know that I'm alive and well and Miss you. I go to take the clerks examine for the postal service next Wednesday. Wish me luck. It's REALLY good pay if you pass. Like, between 13-17 dollars an hour, starting out. Regular hours, regular pay, long drive, 5, 6 days a week, but still. Worth it. Pray that I pass and get posted to a post office. I WANT a decent, real paying Job.

Love to all, More sometime in the future,
Shalom,
Emily.

Sorry Everybody is a site for those of us who really regret the results of the 2004 Election.

[Listening to: Christmas Music]
[Talking to: Jericho *waves*]
["It's your house," Remus said. "You can be any species you'd like to be."]


So, I um, haven't been around much, or updated in a while. There is a good reason, I swear there is. I've been busy with work and life and *coughcough* my boyfriend, *coughcough*. Um, Yes, I've got a new beau. *Beams* I've been spending a lot of time (like every day off) with Jericho, or talking to Jericho, or when possible, visiting him before work. Ashley introduced us, she dates his brother Tristan, and we hit it off immediatly. Actually, he's absolutely wonderful and I adore him, and he's silly enough to feel the same about me. I really think he's the one, so, everyone cross your fingers, and enormous thanks to Ashley for introducing us. I was a stupid bitch for not wanting to talk to him at first. But I got smarter.

I'm in a Christmas Mood today, for some Unknown to goodness reason. Watched both Mircale on 34th streets.

Yah, so, life is wonderful but that's because I've got Jericho now. Work. Eck. Let's not go there. It'd be great if I didn't have things like, oh, Not having a way to get there to worry about.

Going to go now, but first, an article from the Herald for the Carolina folks to read: "Local man produces gay documentary for S.C. ETV"

Do the right thing. VOTE.